Parenting Older Children With Special Needs: And It Gets Harder As They Get Older

I'm a major Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young fan and their song "See The Changes" tops my list of favorites.  So I hope they won't mind that I've changed the word "we" to "they" because I'm talking about children. 

It does get harder as they get older...much harder. Ask any parent and they'll tell you in vivid detail the age and stage that was or is the hardest.  Every parent knows well the challenges of raising children today, so when an Autism Spectrum Disorder, learning difference, or mental health issue is part of the equation, the concerns intensify.  And parenting gets harder.  Much harder.

During the preschool and elementary years, bullying and exclusion often occur, creating indelible issues related to the child's sense of self plus issues with peers frequently emerge.  Move into middle and high school and the challenges intensify as social media and texting, sexting, gaming, and posting plus dating and driving arrive, making a complicated picture even more complex.

These school years alone and the issues that emerge are enough to weaken even the strongest parent, but it doesn't end with high school graduation.  The real challenges emerge when college and life arrive and services and supports fade away.

Parents of younger children work hard to build a foundation to help prepare them for the teen years.  Parents of teens say that their worry (and hope) is that they have solid footing for what comes next.  And parents of young adults quickly realize that the challenges of life are often greater than the preparation.  And this includes in college, where the "safety net" is often larger and looser, creating more risks and dilemmas.  And when this happens, the real struggles begin.

Just as life gets harder as we get older, it also gets harder as they get older too.  Watching a toddler stumble is expected.  Watching a teen do so is something entirely different.  The world suddenly expects more from them.  They expect more from themselves.  And parents hold their breath because getting older is only part of it...