Required, Desired...Enough With Semantics. It's Needed

I know...school's out so who wants to think about it right now.  But here's the thing - there's a situation impacting millions of children and their ability to succeed in school.  And the implications go beyond high school graduation.  Many parents understand it, yet many are struggling to get beyond it. Decisions are being made by schools every day about whether a child should receive "x" service or support that they clearly need based upon whether someone believes it's "required" or "desired."   And I'm not talking here about what special education laws or IEPs dictate.

Let's take tutoring over the summer, for example, when a child is struggling with reading.  Many schools (but not all) would say that it's required because they're accountable, particularly if the child has an IEP, for helping the child read at grade level.  So many schools provide this support.  Now let's look at social issues - e.g. the ability to have a conversation with a peer or the ability to interpret non-verbal cues.  Many would say that this is less of a necessity (i.e. it's not required) so no need to address it over the summer...or even during the school year.

Not a week goes by when a parent doesn't ask me this question - "Can we put social skills on our child's IEP?"   Somehow the message that academics are the only thing that matters remains pervasive even though anyone would say that living in a social world requires social skills and understanding.  It seems as though being able to read a college syllabus (certainly important) trumps being able to work on a team.  Since when?

We tend to categorize things in order to prioritize them - the basics before the flourishes.  The problem here is that the scale of priorities is painfully out of whack.  Schools are making decisions about what they believe are the "must have" vs.  "nice to have" skills with little grasp of the long-term ramifications of *not* developing skills that they see as less than critical.

Ranking academics above other skills using a "required or desired" model is failing students miserably, as it ignores the needs of many children in their quest for success in school and beyond.  And when a parent asks if social skills can be included on their child's IEP, it conveys plenty about the information they lack or the misinformation they're receiving.

I doubt that anyone would want a child to be unable to meet tomorrow's expectations in college or on the job because those who weren't looking or thinking ahead decided what was required.  Parents know, yet they are often ignored when these critical decisions are made.

Many struggling children grow into struggling adults.  And if the purpose of school is to prepare children for adulthood, we're failing them in this regard.  Forget the semantics.  If we want our struggling children to be ready to transition out of high school and into the "real world,"  it's time to see their needs today and plan for tomorrow.

No Means No...Or Does It?

We all know that "no means no" and we play by that rule.  But, is there ever a need or reason to push back against the answer no?  In one critical area, yes. Ask any parent of a child in special education and they'll tell you just how many times they've heard the word no - or countless variations of the same - to requests, suggestions, and even demands made for something their child needs in school.  It could be an extra speech therapy session to work on social language skills or an aide to enable a bright child with Asperger's Syndrome to be fully included in school.  Maybe it's an alternative environment for lunch or a sensory integration evaluation.  No matter the "ask," the answer is often no.  But the story doesn't end here.

Over the past week, I've spoken with many parents who have expressed their total frustration with their child's school and IEP team.  This isn't to say that there aren't success stories where things are going well.  But far too often, this is hardly the case.  They've asked for things and have been refused.  They've begged for things and have been told it's not an educational need.  They've spent thousands of dollars on private evaluations and therapies which often yield critical information and results that their child's school team has either failed or refused to address.  Any wonder why so many parents are fed-up and worn from the fight?

No is not the end of things when it involves a child in special education.  And while each situation, child, and team is unique, there are a few things that parents need to keep in mind.

  1. If you're told "no" after going into your child's IEP meeting to beg for something because your "heart of hearts" knows it's needed, forget it.   You need to go in with hard data to support the need.
  2. If you're told "no" or encounter resistance to something you've requested, put the request and facts in writing and ensure that there is an action step (e.g. please respond back to us in writing) and deadline (e.g. by April 10th).
  3. If you're told "no" and have been clearly refused, request Prior Written Notice which requires that the school delineate their reasons - in writing - for the refusal.

If you're able (financially and otherwise) to secure private services for something your school district has said no to providing, make certain that your private clinician or provider is capturing data to demonstrate that your child is making progress.  School is all about progress and if your child has failed to make progress prior to the start of a service or support that you're accessing privately (and which the district refused) and then begins to make progress afterward, you need all possible documentation to present to the district.

Bottom-line is this:  Schools will often say no - sometimes using reasons that leave parents shaking their heads in disbelief and then their fists in anger, but that's not the end of the story.  Advocating for your child in school is not for the faint of heart nor is it a short-term process.  Rather, it requires parents to keep "upping the ante" by understanding that "no" is often the first response but may not be the last.